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im a hippie flower child and this is my garden
Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
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2008.09.20 21.26
and go like uh whatever this says, yeah?
Man have you seen the new "I'm a PC" Windows commercial?
It's like the Mac guy done fucked up and finally woke the sleeping giant. ------------------------
And in unrelated news I have concluded testing my hypothesis about effective negative reinforcement strategies for the typical adolescent male.
Based on my complex analysis of the adolescent male psyche, I have found that the best way to stop teenaged boys from fucking with each other (verbally and physically) is to allude that they're gay.
Whenever I have guys in my class wasting my time smacking one another, or bickering, I just look at them with a straight face and say, "Stop flirting," completely deadpan.
Everybody cracks up (usually them too), and that is the last time I ever have to deal with it. And they think I'm funny.
Believe me, it's tried and true.
...just in case you needed to know that one day.
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2008.09.06 11.50
release it to the universe
I don't need you anymore... I'm OK, and I am sure...
I don't need you anymore? Yeah, I'm Ok. I'm reassured.
And I don't need you... not today. I promise I'll call, I promise I'll say I don't need you... not to stay.
And if you ever need me I'll reciprocate.
My shoulder's in your pocket- speed dial no. #2. See you when I need you... See you when I do... See you when I do.
Do you me? I am here. Can you ask? Can you be clear?
Yes you need me? I appear. Now you are me, and I am here.
My shoulder's in your pocket- speed dial no. #2. Call it when you need me, see you when I do. See you when I do...
Call me when you need me. Just call me when you need me.
Call me when you need me. See you when I do...
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2008.09.05 17.44
Speed dial #2.
just as a quick aside, only a republican could talk about the value of helping and taking care of our fellow Americans, and cutting government spending/programs in the same speech.
--------
So wow.
Kids are so crazy. Like WAAAAAYYY crazier than when we were in high school. For the past year I have been trying to figure out if the difference between my workschool and my highschool are geographical/economic or chronological.
Like, are these just kids these days or are these just kids down south?
I have had a snotty teenage girl sit there in every single one of the classes that I've taught yapping about how she got in a fight with some other girl.
No boy fights, though. Girls are definitely now the more louder, aggressive, and scheming of the sexes.
Not that guys don't sit there and loudly yap about tasteless and stupid things. Guys sit within arm's reach of my desk and talk about their good roll from that ecstacy john sold them, and how they had sex with jenny and sandy at that one party last weekend. And how sandy is such a ho because she's on birth control because she'll get drunk and naked with anyone. And jenny is such a pot head.
I say to them, I say, "OK. If you're going to do and talk about such dumb things, please don't do it so loudly right in front of a teacher."
They roll their eyes, **gawwd** "Whatever its fine here. I talk about this stuff TO teachers alllll the time."
And I say to them, I say, "You're so dumb. I can't believe how dumb you are."
And they wear white cotton spaghetti stap mini-dresses that I can see their green thongs through.
And they think they deserve an A for just showing up.
And they are all pregnant, or know someone who is pregnant, or just had their baby, or just got someone pregnant.
And they're all jaded, and angry, and high, and dumb, and lazy, and its sad and disappointing.
Ok they are not all this way all the time, but its just not what I'm used to... but I'm slowly figuring them out... my theory on teenager pack mentality is coming soon!
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2008.08.31 11.25
tops drop
Maya just spanked me with her baby monitor. No, really.
Its back to school season!
Yesyes, I know I graduated. Which sucks, because I really miss the back to school excitement of moving back onto campus, reuniting with friends, going on adventures!
But the season is still relevent to me because, although I'm no longer a student, I AM a teacher!
well... the State Board of Educator Certification says I'm a teacher, though I did not manage to snag my own classroom full of young, pliable minds to inform and also terrorize. (For those of you who have forgotten, in high school "to teach" is the equivalent of "to terrorize"... or at least that's the impression my 11th graders left on me last year).
Anyyyywayyy
The school where I student-taught last year invited me back as a permanent substitute. Which means I work there every day, and sub jobs are automatically assigned to me.
This is good for a few reasons....
... I have a steady, dependable full-time job. ... I'll get the experience I need to land my very own classroom of reticent students. ... Since I'm certified, the pay is nice. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnddddd ...The return of The Substitute Chronicles!
Yay! Every day in a new classroom with different students at a diverse south Austin high school in the ghetto with a new principal! Oh the stories will come.
I mean, these are the teenaged versions of the 1st graders who ate me alive and made me contemplate publicly slitting my wrists with Crayola safety scissors in May. Or rather, these are their older siblings. You know, the role models.
The yearbook teacher story happened here.
Don't get me wrong, I'm really looking forward to it. I'm a mom, now. I'm getting those scary mom powers like "the look," and the "the jadedness."
You see, being a substitute affords benefits like being able to say, "I'm a high school teacher," and watching people proceed to shower you with respect and awe, without the drawbacks such as grading, planning, and caring.
Plus, as we all know, there are the stories.
So anyway, I'm not going to publish names, including the name of my school. Though, I think most of you already know it.... so play along.
But I start on Tuesday, pending my recovery from wisdom teeth removal and a side job I have proofreading a novel (yes, I know, its crazy).
So stay tuned!
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2008.06.19 12.18
d-d-do you have a first. aid. kit?
this is hard to write. you can't tell, but i've already erased this entry, like, three times...
i really need a funny confidante and a marga-frickin-rita.
its weird. this is all man trouble. and i want to talk about it and get it out of my system, but all my confidey friends are MIA.
there are two people who i really want to talk to... both might read this... one should, the other shouldn't.
its weird when you lose face-time with your friends, and you still consider them friends, and you still love them, but you are weirdly disconnected. i know there is no way she would ever call me in a crisis unless there was no one else, and vice versa. and its like, damn, we used to be so close. i hate how awkward i am... but so is everyone.
the other one isn't technically a friend... and the last thing he would ever want to do is listen to me talk about other men... but i really miss his company. but man, i burned that bridge... and then i shot bazookas at the charred rubble in the river.
he's smart though. so... you/he should call me during the day sometime if you/he are reading this and feel like being friends. only friends. just friends. but like the best friends ever.
. damn .
i need a person now, though. gggggck.
anyway you know how you can date someone and start to hate them and then really be desperate for a way out and then something happens and its over but then later all you can think about are the good things and you start to miss them a lot but you know that you shouldnt and that they wouldnt even be the same person now anyway but you just cant stop longing and then it gets worse because all the places you shared are getting knocked down or closed up? you know? i'm sure you do. of course.
well i have that.
see... i really need a friend and a drink and some laughs, so that i stop thinking about him and start to appreciate the new life i have now.
-e.
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2008.06.12 10.58
i can lead a nation with a microphone.
first, i would like to open with a quote that i considered to be magnifique... or some such french nonsense:
j: i was always taught that you try not to start conflicts or fights, but if someone else starts something, you finish it.
e: well, that's not what i was taught at all.
j: well, you have a hippie and a mormon for parents. i had a drunk and a redhead.
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i just wanted to let all you car driving- type people out there know that you CAN, in fact, drive 55. despite what the song would have you believe.
i know this because on my way down mopac the slow lane was clogged with people driving speeds ranging from 50 to 58... which was a bit irritating, but sensible nonetheless.
obviously this has something to do with gas prices, right? i know you know where i'm going with this.
ok so it all started about six weeks ago when i was watching the news and heard something that sounded really scary... and didnt totally make sense.
so the news people told us that at 65 mph you are burning 10 EXTRA miles per gallon. at 60 mph you're burning up 5 extra. and the ideal speed is 55 mph.
which, when you first hear it makes you go, "OH MY GOD THAT'S RIDICULOUS THAT'S SO MUCH MONEY I COULD HAVE BOUGHT FOOD WITH THAT!" because you're broke because of gas, you see, and you're living in an apartment made of ramen.
anyway. if you really think about it, though, that either doesn't add up, or is just as terrifying as it sounds. say most SUVs get like, 18 mpg... then if they're flying down mopac at 65 or 70, they're only getting like 5-8 miles per gallon?? crazy.
so anyway we decided that we would only drive 55, and use cruise-control as often as possible.
low and behold we saved a quarter of a tank. at roughly 1 tank per week, or 4 a month (and this is a conservative estimate), that means we save an entire tank per month. which is like $45!
you could totally buy a bra from victoria's secret with that! OR a bra AND pantie set from frederick's of hollywood.
anyway i used to be the only granny poking my way down mopac at 55, but i have started to notice a steady increase in the number of pokers all over town. the fact of the matter is, gas is so expensive people are slowing down.
and you should too. if for no other reason than you could totally afford some new lingerie.
just thought i would share my latest money-saving tip!
-e.
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2008.06.08 17.19
without a right tire I drive in lonely circles
So I'm the Silly One who thought it a great idea to start my substitute chronicles about 2 weeks from the end of school.
It had to have been suzy's peer pressure that clouded my normally crystal clear judgement. Right.
Anyway its not that I don't have backlogged stories in my mind just begging to be recorded for prosterity... or posterity... or propserity. To be quite honest I'm not totally sure about what exactly the word is.
Because today this is a blog of a different sort. A birthday blog.
Today I turn 22 years old. Actually, when you think about it, as I have done, I begin turning 23 today. Because your birthday marks the successful completion of a year... so really I finished 22, and started on 23 today.
My mom sent me $22 in 2 dollar bills and I have been having terrible fun all over austin by buying things with $2 bills and watching the clerks fret about where the hell to put a $2 bill in the cash drawer.
You see, I'm not the big birthday bash kind of person. Mind you, I developed this way out of necessity, not choice. Like most sumMmer babies I've faced a life of absent/forgetful friends and family right around birthday time.
My friends don't normally forget, they're just jetsetters. So most of them are out of town right now, setting on jets that are jetting about, setting about setting them on other continents right now.
I've done it big for my birthday twice.
When I turned 19 and finally had my own apartment I invited everyone I knew to a margarita dance party. But sadly most people had somewhere to be later that night or early the next morning (curse of the summer birthday again) with the result that it was dead by 1am. It was a lot of fun while it lasted, if not in a completely chaotic and disorganized way. And one of my friends wandered in high, ate 50% of my birthday cake, and knocked over an oil lamp. Though it remains good material to tease him with.
The other birthday was the very next year. My nearest and dearest jumped shady mexican buses to come to my pachanga in monterrey. About half of the kids in summer school that I had met while studying abroad came too... we were a big unruly mob of mexican and american partiers. By that time the dudes who worked at the bar we frequented knew us well... probably as the loud american girls who dropped a lot of cash, got drunk, and took over the balconey with our entourage every weekend. Which really isn't a bad thing when you're young and still making A's in mexican summer school. Anyway I know they brought the love with complimentary shots and a barback who later wandered my party with a generous bottle.
It was grand.
Today is very different. Drinking and staying out late doesn't look good on moms.
Last night my dearest rizstar and I made cupcakes. I'm contemplating the outfit I will be buy for myself as a present and trying to convince maya not to blow her gerber apples & cherries all over me. She thinks its hilarious to blow spit bubbles with a mouth full of food.
Funny how quickly things change. Seriously. I can think of a whole list of things I'd like to do for my birthday that I won't ever be able to do again now.
But maya would like me to tell you that free babysitting is the best present for any occasion. And she can drink juice out of a sippy cup now and charm the pants off strangers.
Ill probably still go out for birthday dinner. But now instead of getting attention for my large entourage, sexy outfit, or mad dancing I will get noticed for the very adorable and best behaved baby in the world. I am told no less than twice a day what an exceptional child I have.
Ill take that... happy birthday to me!
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2008.05.24 03.00
shit, man. it's gon' be a helluva day.
so I'm writing you loyal readers out there from my trusty sidekick... with its fancy swishing action... and puzzling lack of camera...
Anyway I'm not a professional thumb typer (yet) so you'll have to forgive crazy and unnoticed mistakes.
So miss suzy gave me a great direction for my slowly withering blog. Or lj. Or Whatever. She said I should write about my crazy substitute teacher stories... since that's what I've been doing since I graduated on may 3.
Funny thing is that I don't even think I told her I had crazy stories. She just knew I would... and she was so far right she was rubbing elbows with karl rove and bill o'reilly.... ickkkkkkkkkk.
Wow that was a distracting mr. Powell-like simile/pun/joke thing. I AM a history teacher after all! Ill take this as a good sign!
Wait. How am I getting so far off topic?
Anyway so wise suzy had a sweet idea for me to write about subbing around this unnamed district. Because I do have stories that are The. Insane.
Like this one!
So I'm subbing for this unnamed journalism teacher at this unnamed high school, and just in the office and aroound I catch the drift that the dude is not coming back... this is like the day before.
So I go in the morning of and meet the single student of the first class period. She's independent study.
In prep for the rest of the day I try to look for the sub plans and cannot find them (partly because it makes me uncomfy to dig in a teacher's stuff).
So the student whips out her cell phone in a swish of nails and 'no prob' and calls the teacher up.
He tells her where the plans are and she's off in less than 20 seconds.
I have very little to do bc these kids all have assignments... and I'm just in the way. So I'm just beginning the last period of the day and some of them have been in the room all day.
I think you'll find that high school publications staff (like newspaper and yearbook) are tight. They do it for years and get close... apparently close enough to be able to call their teacher's cell phone for sub plans.
And I'm just taking roll and starting to explain the assignment when an unnamed administrator comes in.
She doesn't say anything to me and starts to address the class... and now that I care to reflect I think I would have appreciated a word of warning plzkthx.
So she coldly announces that mr. Teacher is not coming back and she doesn't know why and so please don't ask her becaus she wouldn't tell you if she did know. Which she doesn't.
So ok. Anyone who has a kid or knows a kid or was once a kid know that this would be at the least shocking, and at worst heart breaking to a student.
You'd think that would be covered somewhere in the standard educational administration master's program curriculum. Like admins should know that shizzle. Theorhetically.
And some kids start to cry, and some are just gaping, and others are shaking their heads, etc. etc. etc. And I'm just standing in the back like, "crap."
And then one of the girls who has been hanging around all day, who is obvs very into her unnamed publication starts to get visibly upset... but still staying to herself.
Well the admin draws her out and asks her what's up. And the girl just starts shaking and saying that she thinks this is ridiculous and DUH she's upset.
And the admin FLIPS OUT and starts YELLING, "Well I said that I don't know why he's gone and he isn't coming back and getting mad at me won't fix anything!!"
And then she basically stomps out. While two of the very-into-it-girls who are apparently close to mr. Teacher start crying and running around ripping down all the "for sale" publications signs because, oh, did I mention that the admin's closing line was something about how the very-into-it-girls would not be allowed to sell the publications anymore.
And then I'm just standing there like OMGWTF.
All I can say is that the following class period was the most awkward and creeping 90. Gotdamn. Minutes. Of my life!
And it was a standard day in sub land!
-e.
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2008.05.03 22.38
summa cum laude biznizatch
I'm an official graduate of the highest distinction!
Now all my time spent in the classroom will be on the other side of the gradebook.
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2008.04.01 21.39
So as we speak I am writing this from my pda at an 8:30am-6pm competitive job interview in the conference room on the 21st floor of a skyscraper downtown.
I feel grown up.
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2008.02.07 18.37
year of the brat.
first of all, happy chinese new year to all!
so lets see.
i'm supposed to update about motherhood and teaching and all that. but i sit down to do it and get overwhelmed. because its so much. and its been so long. and i have no time because i'm a student, a teacher, and a mommy.
so teaching. yes.
i teach 3 11th grade AP us history classes at crockett high school.
let me just say that crockett high school where i teach is not like anderson high school where i graduated.
for example,
in an AP/IB classroom at anderson we had a teacher who would play music for us while we worked on assignments. one day he put on a loud, festive beatles song and left the room while we worked.
now one might assume the a group of teenagers would be happy for such a cool teacher. not us. we were AP/IB kids at anderson high school. as soon as the teacher left someone got up and turned down the music so that we could more effectively work. somebody said, "thank you!"
(ok i admit this story might actually be suzy's. i might just be mentally transporting myself there. i'm not really sure. regardless, the story is true).
in my AP classroom at crockett i have two students who recently had a baby together. i give quizzes over each chapter that have only 10 questions and are true/false. twice i even put the exact questions on the board two days before the quiz so students could look out for the answers while reading. 80% of my students make 50s. wtf.
anyway i've been trying to be a good teacher. one that slyly makes them learn. i usually assign them the chapter and a reading guide i make for them so they can built a basic foundation of names/facts/dates/places. then in class we do fun activities.
for example,
we were learning about industrialization and the subsequent living and working conditions. so i made up roles for each student, with half of them unionized workers, and the other half company men. then we held negotiations about working conditions and whatnot. the kids chose the issues, acted it out, negotiated, fought, went on strike, fired all the workers, and figured out why socialism was so appealing. it was a freakin blast.
and teachers?
teachers are dirty gossippers. you know how teachers entertain and comfort themselves in their off-time? by talking about you and what a slutty suck-up and/or dimwit you are.
anyway. i have this whole rant about educational inequity, useless and sometimes demoralizing administration, and disrespectful students who have no sense of accountability or personal standards.
but those will really have to wait.
and motherhood? i wouldn't know. i miss it all because i work all day and then go to school at night. but sometimes when i get home jason has cute videos of all the new developments i missed. its sad, but temporary. and at least she doesn't have to go to daycare.
so here are some camera phone pictures to tide you over:












ps hang out with me. im getting better at figuring out how/when to do that.
-e.
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2008.02.01 14.03
check it out!! im on the seu homepage
http://www.stedwards.edu
updates about motherhood and student teaching to follow
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2007.12.04 18.33
how squacky you are
stay at home moms deserve a medal. or to get paid. or at least some more respect.
i never before realized how hard it is to take care of a kid all day... not to mention simultaneously attend to a home and/or school work. scratch that. its not hard, its damn near impossible.
i was going to write a real entry updating you all on my life and new daughter, but of course she won't allow me to do so. she's decided to loudly squawk if i don't hold her which just won't do as i'm currently at school.
now, normally i remedy this by just balancing her on my chest so she can be close to me... or literally on me... while i type and do homework. however, it doesn't work if she wants to be squirmy because then she'll just roll right off. and i'm not interested in having a goonies monster dude for a child.
anyway i'll give you the abbreviated version of this post... to be continued later.
maya jane salazar was born at 3am on friday, november 2.
my lovely amazing wonderful friends were all there to support me and actually took over the waiting room with their entourageyness. I LOVE YOU NADIA SUZY HUSSAIN AND SEAN
she was 6lbs, 4oz with lots of soft, brown hair and brown eyes.
and yes, i got that epidural.
here are some pics from my camera phone, as i haven't developed all the real ones yet. hope it holds you over
-e.

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2007.09.21 15.21
rowr!
so, first, i would like to say that my unborn daughter officially has more, better, and newer belongings than me and she doesn't even officially exist yet. this is all thanks to the power of a crowded baby shower and many loving, wonderful, life saving friends and family members.
i have a lot a lot a lot of thank you cards to pump out this weekend, but i wanted to use my lj to give a HUGE public shout out to my ut crew
nadia, hussain, suzy, and sean
who i love soooooo much and who came through with flying colors, amazing gifts, and whose very presence at the shower completely rejuvenated me.
i was and still am getting over some sort of respiratory infection thing and just having them there made me 100x more cheerful and motivated that day when everything was chaotic and stressful.
and extra special love for sean and kristy who stayed after everything was over to help put my apartment back together and give me love and support in the after-party calm.
and then there's rizzy. oh. my. god. this girl is an angel. never having been to a baby shower, my hostesses and i didnt plan so completely. without rizzy the whole thing would have been terribly awkward and completely fallen apart. she came armed with decorations, more food, games, and my valley family. words cannot descrive how much i love my rizstar, but after she saved my shower i am in awe of her. i will always wonder what i did to deserve the most amazing soul sister in the entire world. I LOVE YOU RIZZY!! and i'm not the only one... several people told me in the days after the shower that they loved meeting rizzy and her family- that they were truly impressed by how energetic, friendly, and loving they were. rizzy and family: you not only amaze me, but the whole world. i can't say enough about you!
i love you guys so much. you are truly special people and i am so lucky to have y'all in my life.
-e.
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2007.08.28 14.55
evening checklist
oh. my. god.
ok
its been a habit of mine since i first started reading the chronicle at, like, 16 to faithfully check the shot in the dark section to see if somewhere out there someone was looking for me.
no, im not hoping to meet the love of my life. no, its not that i want to be found. i just wonder if i ever catch anyone's eye and leave a lasting imprint in their mind.
eventually i was introduced to craig's list and started incorporating their missed connections into my routine as well.
over the years i have had friends put in ads for people they missed... like that dude we saw at a bad SXSW show at the old back room. and i have found ads that i was pretty sure were meant for my friends... like that one about the hispanic hottie at the kinkos downtown. and i have had loves put in ads for me because they knew i would find them.
it was something i kept up with more when i worked at vanilla girl and had oodles of down time and the internet at my bored and wandering fingertips.
i have been spotty (at best) about checking the shot in the dark and missed connections lately because i have been too busy with work and moving and school and pregnancy and car buying and errands and the little bit of time i get to spend with friends.
one result of this business is that i don't really get to go anywhere or do anything that would result in someone missing connecting with me. so i don't feel like im missing anything anyway.
HOWEVER.
i have started my new computer lab job and the internet has once again become my only means of passing the time, and what the hey, i get paid for it anyway.
so today i was going over the missed connections and look what i find:
HEB - Oltorf and Congress -
You: Sweatpants, splendid haircut, shirt with no bra in the ice cream section. Me: Short black hair, glasses, large smile. Drumsticks sometime?
alright. i could be wrong. but i'm almost positive that this was for me.
it was posted early on sunday and saturday night i was indeed in the ice cream section of this very HEB wearing sweat pants and a shirt with no bra.
i know what you're thinking. you are totally disregarding my awesome shout out and wondering why i was wandering around the frozen foods section without a bra. i have a good excuse.
you see, earlier in the evening, jason, whitney, and i had gone for a moonlight swim at her awesome complex pool because it was hot and because we wanted to take advantage of it before she moves out.
my beloved roommate, callie, had been having a terrible day, so we three decided to meet back at callie's and my apartment for a sex and the city night complete with cookies, ice cream, and booze (obviously not for me) in order to cheer her up.
i was in charge of cookies and ice cream and had to make a stop at the HEB on the way home, but had neglected to bring proper undergarments to change into after our swim. i figured it was later in the evening and i was pregnant and i probably wouldn't run into anyone i knew at the HEB so who cared if i was lacking underpants or a bra?
and the splendid haircut part?
earlier in the day i had just lopped off my mop to a FANTASTIC choppy hot mom cut that has become my all time favorite look that i have ever done and you alllllll need to see it because i am the hotness.
so.
i choose to believe this was meant for me, because, honestly, how many adorable braless and sweatpants clad chicks are running around the ice cream section of my HEB late at night with amazing hair?
only me. the best part, too, is that it was put out by a woman. i make no distinctions in breaking hearts.
-e.
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2007.08.23 14.41
SHOCKING!
are you ready for my shocking update? ok. here it is... lets go in order of least shocking to most shocking:
i moved into my fabulous on campus apartment with my fabulous roomie and friend, callie
i got a new job as a computer lab monitor. and so i embark on my second job getting paid to play on the internet and do my homework (the first was vanilla girl, remember?). i have a knack for those.
i start my very last semester of classes on monday!!! woohoo!! eff you, college, i'm getting out!
i bought a car... a baby blue 1991 mazda protege. its been completely rebuilt for me and runs like a brand new car. its stick shift, which i haven't attempted since i was about 16, so i can't drive it yet, but some day i will. my teacher wanted me to practice by driving 100 yards to the laundry room... i was clever though and just put it in neutral and rolled there. i thought it was funny.
two of my coworkers at the GEP job got fired and as their angry revenge they reported the program to the university payroll for not paying us overtime for our 70-100 hour weeks. after an investigation they gave us time and a half, which at 10-60 hours overtime per week can be quite costly. i ended up getting a few thousand out of it. so in the end, my poorly paying but quite adventurous job turned out to be my most profitable venture yet.
my baby girl is due in november!
(see? i told you i would shock you)
and i'll be updating periodically as i get in the mood. maybe ill put some pictures up on this bizatch.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand i miss my friends. i didn't get to see ANYONE this summer. because of my highly profitable job. and while i am finally 21 enough to buy booze and go out without any limitations, and actually have transportation of my own (kinda) i'm too pregnant to enjoy it properly. its going to be a lot of early nights of casual chilling for us, doods.
-e.
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2007.07.10 16.29
children are our future? seriously? there are no other options?
so i found a free hour somehow. like i said, i work about 70 hours a week and i'm taking two summer classes. a life i have not. i haven't seen any of my friends in weeks. but it works.
so we've come to the end of the line with about a week and a half left here at Graduation Enhancement Program 2007. a week from this sunday the kids will go back to wherever they came from, and i will move into my on-campus apartment with no furniture and no job.
one might think that after seven weeks of getting to know one another and having the rules and schedule repeated every day that things would be winding down to a lazy and tearful end. one might be wrong.
if there is one thing i've learned about teenagers this summer its that they hate peace. they will do anything in their power to destroy it and replace it with that overused and and usually ironic word: drama.
unfortunately, i have yet to fulfill my promise of funny stories like the spiderwoman one. mostly because nothing that epic has really occurred. i can think of maybe two epic stories, neither or which are funny, both of which make me want to get sterilized.
not that this summer hasn't been funny or entertaining. quite the contrary, this is probably my favorite job... despite the low pay, ridiculous hours, lack of overtime, utter exhaustion, and frequent homicidal urges.
my coworkers have become my best friends... mostly because we don't get out much and we had no choice but to become best friends if having friends was something we wanted this summer.
the kids... well, they're kids. that's about all i can say about them... they're teenagers. sometimes they're hilarious, sometimes they're little bitches, they're usually hystrionic, and they're usually plotting something.
i'm not really sure where i was going with this. i think i wanted to share some funny stories, but its so hard to segway into them. most of them aren't funny unless you were there or know the people involved. you have to have an understanding of this unique program and the unique kids.
if you ever see me again i'll probably tell you some stories, but for now i'll just tell you
what i learned about teenagers this summer:
- if you're nice they will take advantage of you, if you're strict they will hate you. you cannot win.
- there are no secrets in a dorm of 80 teenagers. if something is said in a staff meeting 100 yards away from the nearest student, they will be posting bulletins on myspace of wildly inaccurate accounts of what was said in 38 minutes flat. (while they're supposed to be in school or at work).
- girls are mean and horny and boys are just plain horny.
- a teenager cannot get out of bed at 6am because they're too tired but they can somehow find the energy to sneak out and play basketball at 2am.
- illness prevents teenagers from going to school, work, and PE, but it does not prevent them from playing pool or running wildly through the halls.
- a teenager will always have enough quarters to use the vending machines, video games, and pool tables, but will never have enough quarters to do their laundry.
- it doesn't matter how much they smile at, touch, talk to, or hang out with you, they probably still secretly hate you and it is probably a well known fact among their peers.
- there will always be bullies, populars, hotties, and social outcasts.
- they are not actually going to the bathroom, their lights are not actually off, they do secretly have a cell phone, they do actually know the rules, they did actually say that, they did actually hit her, and they are not actually telling the truth.
- the world ends if they can't have their cell phone
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2007.07.02 07.34
i'm still alive. (in case you were wondering). its just... i work like 70 hours a week. and what's more, i literally live at my job. hopefully i'll get out long enough to see someone some day. just fyi.
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2007.05.04 14.03
you look like a swimmer
i was done with the first semester of my senior year a couple of days ago... but i'm still busy... so i didn't remember to mention it. good luck to those of you still testing...
in other news i have a new job-- i am a summer RA for a high school migrant program st. ed's runs. basically for 6 weeks i babysit a bunch of hormonal, sex-crazed, hard-partying teens from the valley.
i know it will be complete chaos, but i'm totally excited because i know there will be plenty of drama and crazy stories to fill up this terribly neglected lj. also, since i'll be back in the dorms on campus that means i'll once again be on AIM all day and updating my lj obsessively.
want a taste of the stories that will be up here this summer for your enjoyment? i know you do!
okay so within the first few days of getting to st. ed's all these kids immediately hook up. they all decide who is going out with who, and then no one else is allowed to talk to anyone else's girlfriend/boyfriends.
apparently a few summers ago there was a girl living on the second floor of the dorm who was mad at a girl living on the third floor because she was making a move on her man meat.
i guess she decided to go kick this girl's ass in her own room after curfew hours, which meant she couldn't just walk down the stairs and up the hall to do it. she had to be more stealthy than that.
sooooooo
she climbed OUT of her WINDOW and SPIDERWOMANED her way across the building until she got to a landing where she could jump up to the THIRD FLOOR where she continued to CLIMB ACROSS THE OUTSIDE OF THE BUILDING to the other girl's room. at which point, i suppose, she was going to burst through the girl's window and kick her ever-loving ASS!
unfortunately she got caught before she had a chance to make her grand entrance.
but man, i would love to be the RA who looked out my window and saw an angry teenage girl hanging from the third story. i would laugh my ass off, kill her, laugh my ass off some more, and put it all up here for y'all to see and laugh along.
and that, my friends, is jealousy. i have to admit, i would never care enough to risk breaking my neck.
so that's my new job. i get paid for 40 hrs a week, so that makes it my very first full-time job. i have help many a job, but never seemed to make it to that 40 hour mark. so yay.
and i have decided not to let on that i know spanish. i want to figure these kids out first.
woohoo stay tuned for stories!
also, i don't start until the end of may so if anyone wants to take a vacation, lay around or play, let me know!
see y'all on drinko de mayo!
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2007.04.20 13.12
aw shizz
in case you didn't see it on news 8 austin.... OR CNN or whatever other NATIONAL news outlets were broadcasting this... st. ed's has had three bomb threats in as many days.
on tuesday, at 8:30am in the cold drizzle, i was evacuated from my science class...
or rather, my science class had gone to test pond water for an activity when the bomb threat happened, so we were evacuated from a pond.
besides being worrisome, inconvenient, expensive, and cold, the experience had another fun dimension for me and my classmates because all of our posessions were locked inside a classroom in a now evacuated, and prohibited building. we had left them there while we hiked to the pond.
so i didn't get my wallet, phone, keys, or schoolbooks back until wednesday. that sucked hard.
and also... i haven't gotten a single "i heard what happened! are you ok! let's rant about this!!" phone call. i know nothing blew up, so i am going to forgive all my friends and family members for their lack of concern. *glare* and also because there was obviously another, more tragic event at a different school, which should totally overshadow this.
on that note, my friend gopal, who i met in monterrey, and who attends virginia tech, tells me that the whole virginia tech community is amazed and grateful by the outpouring of national support they have recieved. so keep on keeping on, guys.
--
also my boutique, vanilla girl designs, is closing after nearly three years of amazing. so i need a job. and if any of you are interested in buying discounted mosaic art and furniture, or store fixtures, then come to our big blowout next weekend- april 28 and 29. i'll be working there on sunday the 29.
meanwhile i'm applying to be a summer RA in the dorms here at seu, so wish me luck on that.
have a great weekend everyone! i know i will... i might go to a RAVE!.... i might just laze in the spring weather... but either way i'm happy because it's RAVE! season once again!!
-e.
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2007.04.12 14.43
bloop
hello little pallies!
i am presenting at SOURCE (symposium of undergraduate research and creative expression) at st. edward's this friday, april 13, from 9-10am.
i will be reading and discussing a much much shorter version of my socialism paper nightmare i had to write last semester. its called "socialism's missed opportunity in america: how eugene v. debs lost the 1912 election" or some such jibba jabba.
if you have interest in such things you are very encouraged and welcome to come. i realize the early hour is going to prevent most or all of you all and that's cool, but the historical nature of this thing means i probably won't have much of an audience and would like yall to come if you can.
its in mabee ballroom A in the ragsdale center at st. ed's. its a small campus. you wont get lost.
anywayyyyyyyy
that is all
-e.
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2007.04.03 10.25
not for all the votes of the union-dividing, corruption-breeding AFL
okay apparently st. ed's has a lot of conspiracy theorists.
here on campus the "bush was behind 9/11" theory seems to be a real favorite.
i'm not talking about the "investigate 9/11" movement, because i believe that one maintains that terrorists did it, but only because our foreign policy is complete crap.
i can agree with that.
but the bush / us gov. behind 9/11 theory makes me baulk just a little.
so this morning my dad randomly went off on a rant about it, as he is wont to do. and, like many other topics, he had an exceptionally entertaining and logical way of arguing it.
i believe it went something like this:
"i hate bush. but i don't think he was behind the world trade center attacks, and it's not just because he's probably too stupid.
its because if clinton can't get a blowjob in a private, secret place in the middle of the whitehouse and keep it a secret, then how the hell could the hundreds of people required to orchestrate an attack on the world trade center pull it off without somebody coming clean??
i mean, only two people knew about clinton's blowjob, and neither of them had any pressing reasons to tell anyone, and they still couldn't keep it secret.
shouldn't one of the government planners of 9/11 be falling apart with guilt right about now?
plus its not like we have ever needed a real, solid reason to assassinate, invade, and kill. 9/11 wasn't necessary for iraq at all."
i agree.
i mean, who knows, maybe the government did it. i seriously doubt it. but maybe.
its still a good argument, though.
-e.
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2007.03.29 17.04
every day
oooooh! man its been a while since school excited me- i haven't learned as much interesting stuffff this semester.
and its really hard to get excited about an 8am science class.
but today i learned something funky!
there is no such thing as blue eyes... genetically speaking.
check it out:
if a person is homozygous for a certain recessive gene, then there is no observable amount of pigment in the front part of the eyes, and the eye appears blue. this is not because of blue pigment, but because of the same optical effect that causes the sky to appear blue on a clear day. colorless cells in the more superficial layers of the iris viewed against the dark background of the deeper layers scatter the light so that blue light is reflected back to the eye of the observer. a dominant gene causes pigment to be deposited in the front layer of the iris producing brown, hazel, green, or other eye colors.
so i have colorless eyes!
the differences in shades of blue between people is accounted for by the different shapes of one's eyeball.
blue eye color resulting from refracted light through colorless cells might also account for why blue eyes appear to change color occassionally.
neato!</b>
-e.
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2007.03.28 14.19
You would be amazed.
Amazed to know just how easily your belief systems twenty and twenty-one years in the making can crumble beneath the weight of a hard decision or personal tragedy.
Everything you think you know, and everything you assume you would do in -x- situation is meaningless and angering when reality hits. And let me tell you, it hits hard.
You would be appalled.
Appalled to learn just how disposable your friendships are.
Not only are they disposable, they’re easily disposable. Not in a malicious or cold way, but in an event of necessity.
In the end, when you’re down to the end of your rope, and you have just enough energy to save yourself, it becomes easy to pick which friends stay and which friends go just because you have no choice. You might be surprised to learn which ones are actually valuable. You might be surprised to know that fewer might be better.
You would be shocked.
Shocked to learn of the silent tragedies your closest friends carry in their hearts as they smile at your face.
Not because they don’t love you, but precisely for this very reason do some people decide to allow you to continue on your path of simple and youthful joy. . . . It is sobering how quickly you can age in one day, one week, or seven.
And it puts the concerns of friends, relationships, grades, parties, and material desires in a perspective that you will value for the rest of your prematurely aged life.
The immensity of the simplicity with which you lived your life previous to such aging and sobering events it at once paradoxical and yet more easily understood than the seemingly straightforward decisions looming in your future.
I would ask everyone to at least take a few seconds to stop reading about social run-downs and superficial life updates to consider the possibility that unknown, life changing events are the real news that should be on this page.
You never know what your closest friends are hiding from you. And you never know when they will choose to change your own life and inform you of the events that have suddenly, heartbreakingly changed their own.
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